Why the heartache?

I think it's human nature to question God's motives in why He chooses to do things a certain way. I know that was my heart when we lost 4 pregnancies in a row. I was blown away each time that once again, my child that I already loved so much was taken from me. Why would God do this to me? But was I asking the right question? How about, what is God teaching me through this time?

My dear friend just lost her baby. Even though she only knew for a short time that this new life was growing inside of her, she loved this baby as if she already held it. She pictured the child already part of the family. She wondered who the baby would look like. Was it a boy or girl? She could already hear the baby's giggles resonate through her home.

God only knows why He made the choice to take this baby. I think most of us won't have all the answers until we are in heaven.

My heart aches with her and her husband. And as I tried to share some encouragement and comfort, the Lord provided this verse, as he has many times during trials.

Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort we ourselves are comforted of God.

I know that God took these babies from me to learn and grow in Him. The fact that I can be a comfort to others that are now going through the same tragedy blesses my heart. Of course, I would never want anyone to have to go through a miscarriage... or 4. But if I can pray and cry with them as their hearts ache, and maybe bring a little comfort because of what God taught me, I would go through those miscarriages all over again.

The big picture is not seen when you are in the valley. But when you get out of it, and climb to the top and see the beautiful view, you can start to get the bigger picture. I thank God for the mountain tops... and the valleys.

For those who are struggling in a trial right now, know that it will end eventually. You may still ache, but the comfort that God can bring is like no other. And if you seek His will, and avoid getting bitter, He will bless beyond your wildest dreams.

The joy of the Lord

I think it's very obvious by now I am not perfect. And I am sure most of you would admit the same thing. So when you put 2 imperfect people together for life, and shake things up, there is bound to be chaos. Like any married couple, Peter and I have had our ups and downs. Being a younger couple (6 1/2 years together and counting...) we had/have much to learn. From how to squeeze toothpaste from the tube, to knowing when to shut your mouth about a bad dinner. We've both learned a lot about one another... with much more to go.

Once I realized that Peter wasn't the only one to be "fixed" in this marriage, I started to examine my own heart. What about me? Where do I fall short as a wife? In steps God's Word...

If I could label our marriage for the last 3-4 months with one word, it would be revelation. God opened up my heart and softened the spots that were hardened. How do you fix the trouble areas in your marriage... joy!

I can only work on myself. And even though Peter has his faults, I will boldly say I have many more than he does. And even if I didn't.... and even if Peter was verbally abusive, went out with his buddies every moment, didn't join us to church, and didn't care to help with the girls... I can only work on me. And here was God's big reveal: Have Joy.

What better way to make a difference in my entire family then by having joy in all the things in life. Having fun with my girls even when they make a mess. Flirting with my husband, even though the dating years are done. And thanking God that we have a wonderful home to live in and that I am counted worthy to clean it!

My job as a wife is to honor and love my husband... even when he is not honorable or love able. Why? Simply because God commanded it. Should Peter love me? Of course. Should he be aware of my needs and try to fulfill them? Absolutely. But even if he never did, I "bought the well" (as Pastor used to say) and I am going to love the life out of him!

"The joy of the Lord is my strength" is a great verse because it is such a simple truth. When I am weary in loving Peter, I go to God for strength and he always supplies. Only my unwillingness to obey will steal that joy away.

So here I am, on a new journey. Loving my husband. And just having fun again. Does it really matter that he puts the clothes NEXT to the clothes basket and not IN it? No. Is it worth wearing my husband down, teaching my girls a bad attitude and stewing in bitterness, just so I can say I am justified in my anger because of his insensitivity? No way! What does make it all worth it is showing my girls how they should one day treat their husbands. And seeing a smile on Peter's face is worth "losing" a hundred arguments.

I just want joy. And so I ask God on not just a daily basis, but often every few minutes for joy. And remember, as Christians, what do we have to really be upset about? We've been redeemed. Pulled out of slavery of sin and now are heirs together with Christ! What is more joyful then that? So joy on! :)