Trials of Hannah

OK. So I am getting a little curious why the Lord has been showing me SO MUCH lately about trials and trusting Him to get us through. There is a piece of me that is wondering if there is something over the bend for me that the Lord is preparing me for. But being that He is teaching me to TRUST Him, I am trying not to dwell on that part. I am trying to focus on the lessons that He is teaching me right now.

The life of Hannah has always touched me in a special way. For those who don't know, Hannah could not have children and she finally gave it to the Lord and promised Him that if she was given a son, she would give her son to the Lord. Lo and behold, Samuel was born! When I was going through a dark time a few years ago, this story got me through one of the biggest trials I have ever had.

We had 4 consecutive miscarriages in under 2 years. In fact, I was pregnant 5 times within 18 months. Each loss was a bigger blow. I didn't understand at the time why this was happening to me. I ached for a child. My every waking thought was on having a baby. So with each loss, I became more and more desperate. More and more heart broken and further from God.

I can't really say I was angry with God. I think I was more confused. And since He wasn't giving me answers (I wasn't really listening anyway) I figured bringing God into this big loss wasn't worth it. Can you imagine?!!!

God was so merciful though. Ever faithful and true to me. He did not forsake me even though for a time I forsook him. He lifted me up still and I believe gave me the strength to carry on. When I was pregnant for the 5th time, with Samantha, I was devastated. I did NOT want to be pregnant. I could not bear another loss. Little did I know what God was going to do.

Back to Hannah. When I was pregnant with Samantha, her story really came to life to me. She finally gave it all to God. She trusted that he would provide her heart's desire and open her womb. I began to trust that God could make my pregnancy work. I gave Him my pain. My aching. My worry. And he delivered... literally! :)

There are so many other things I could pull from the story of Hannah. And I am sure I will share more soon since I am doing a study on her. But I thought I would share this? Why? Well, first off, it was a BIG part of my life. I think to understand me a little better, you need to know my past. I have many friends who have dealt or ARE dealing with similar situations. I encourage them to carry on. Trust in the Lord. I am not saying that God wants us all to physically have children. I do not pretend to know God's will for everyone's life. I am still trying to figure out His will for MY life! But I know this... God wants to grant us the desires of our hearts. It's all in His timing.