Suffer the "Little" children to come unto me...

Samantha is a special little thing. Of course, all moms think this about their own children. She seems to have a somewhat mature look on certain aspects of life. One being life/death. I have been praying for salvation since she was born, but was surprised when the conversation came up so early.

Of course, we have been planting the seed in her mind and heart, but I really was cautious in the area of salvation, since I didn't want to risk her having doubts later on. But Samantha approached me and asked how she could be saved. Part of me was jumping up and down and another part was thinking, "she is too young." But then I remembered Christ's own words: "Suffer the little children to come unto me, and forbid them not..."

Who am I to say she is ready? I was able to have the greatest privilege a mother could have and lead my daughter to the Lord. We read many verses in the Bible and I tried to make sure she had a good understanding of it all. (Although, I am STILL learning everyday about my own salvation!) I had Samantha pray, with her own words and I don't think I heard a sweeter prayer.

I have really noticed a difference in her. Not that she is the perfect child. Not even close. But she has this understanding that she didn't have before. She wants to tell others about Jesus and she asks many questions about God. It's so exciting to see Him working in her already... and just 4 years old.

Samantha told me yesterday that she wanted to be a missionary. It's the first time I realized that this could be a real possibility for her life. I was so thrilled to hear it. Then, when she found out she could be a nurse AND a missionary... well, I think I heard the fireworks go off in her heart. :) I praise God for His goodness, His gentle hand, and His teaching.

Bye Bye Baby

The garage was getting crowded. The van barely fit inside. As I struggled to carry my little girl and a few grocery bags through the van into the house, I realized it was time. The garage needed to be cleaned. With 3 little ones in the house, a project like this takes days. I did a little here and there as they played on their bikes or picked flowers in the front yard. But there was still one pile of things I refused to touch. Baby items.

Peter and I have had months to come to grips with the fact that Clara is our last. We knew even before she was born that my body could not handle anymore. And even though we both wanted a larger family (although 3 feels like 50 some days!), we put our trust in the Lord to make the final decesion. And he did.

But as I gaze over that pile of baby gear, my heart begins to ache. All the feelings of wanting to hold a baby in my arms start flooding in. I know... I still have a baby. And believe me when I say, I have never held a baby so tight. Rocked a baby so long. Eagerly ran to her room at night when she cried. But I already feel my arms being empty. No other time in my life will a human being ever need me more then right now.

Now before you say, "But there is so much more to parenting then the baby stage." I get it. I know. And I know so many more joys come. But for now, I hurt. It would be wrong of me to feel that the ability to have children has been taken away from me, because it was a gift to begin with and whatever God wanted for our life, He gave. I am very blessed to have the precious girls that I have.

However, it has suddenly become a big blow to me that we will not have anymore children. Please please please do not take this as me being insensitive to those that struggle with even having one child biologically. I am not comparing the two. I am simply sharing where I am at.

For now, all I know is that I must enjoy every special moment with my kids and not take anything for granted. I soak up the hugs, kisses and snuggles. I am so glad that Clara is such a sweet baby that loves to be snuggled.

As for the garage, well, it's clean. I did make myself suffer and shed more tears as I watched the baby stuff go into the garbage truck. I almost dove into the truck,but I had some restraint. Aren't you proud?!

Catch up

I've finally caught my breath. It's been forever since I have blogged, but as I read back on some posts, I realized how much of a blessing writing is to me. It helps me think things through and more important, it gives me some accountablilty. So I am back! It's been quite the year and I don't think I will have the time to back up and share all the Lord has been doing, but praise God He works in me everyday... so I will always have something to share! :)

Why the heartache?

I think it's human nature to question God's motives in why He chooses to do things a certain way. I know that was my heart when we lost 4 pregnancies in a row. I was blown away each time that once again, my child that I already loved so much was taken from me. Why would God do this to me? But was I asking the right question? How about, what is God teaching me through this time?

My dear friend just lost her baby. Even though she only knew for a short time that this new life was growing inside of her, she loved this baby as if she already held it. She pictured the child already part of the family. She wondered who the baby would look like. Was it a boy or girl? She could already hear the baby's giggles resonate through her home.

God only knows why He made the choice to take this baby. I think most of us won't have all the answers until we are in heaven.

My heart aches with her and her husband. And as I tried to share some encouragement and comfort, the Lord provided this verse, as he has many times during trials.

Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort we ourselves are comforted of God.

I know that God took these babies from me to learn and grow in Him. The fact that I can be a comfort to others that are now going through the same tragedy blesses my heart. Of course, I would never want anyone to have to go through a miscarriage... or 4. But if I can pray and cry with them as their hearts ache, and maybe bring a little comfort because of what God taught me, I would go through those miscarriages all over again.

The big picture is not seen when you are in the valley. But when you get out of it, and climb to the top and see the beautiful view, you can start to get the bigger picture. I thank God for the mountain tops... and the valleys.

For those who are struggling in a trial right now, know that it will end eventually. You may still ache, but the comfort that God can bring is like no other. And if you seek His will, and avoid getting bitter, He will bless beyond your wildest dreams.

The joy of the Lord

I think it's very obvious by now I am not perfect. And I am sure most of you would admit the same thing. So when you put 2 imperfect people together for life, and shake things up, there is bound to be chaos. Like any married couple, Peter and I have had our ups and downs. Being a younger couple (6 1/2 years together and counting...) we had/have much to learn. From how to squeeze toothpaste from the tube, to knowing when to shut your mouth about a bad dinner. We've both learned a lot about one another... with much more to go.

Once I realized that Peter wasn't the only one to be "fixed" in this marriage, I started to examine my own heart. What about me? Where do I fall short as a wife? In steps God's Word...

If I could label our marriage for the last 3-4 months with one word, it would be revelation. God opened up my heart and softened the spots that were hardened. How do you fix the trouble areas in your marriage... joy!

I can only work on myself. And even though Peter has his faults, I will boldly say I have many more than he does. And even if I didn't.... and even if Peter was verbally abusive, went out with his buddies every moment, didn't join us to church, and didn't care to help with the girls... I can only work on me. And here was God's big reveal: Have Joy.

What better way to make a difference in my entire family then by having joy in all the things in life. Having fun with my girls even when they make a mess. Flirting with my husband, even though the dating years are done. And thanking God that we have a wonderful home to live in and that I am counted worthy to clean it!

My job as a wife is to honor and love my husband... even when he is not honorable or love able. Why? Simply because God commanded it. Should Peter love me? Of course. Should he be aware of my needs and try to fulfill them? Absolutely. But even if he never did, I "bought the well" (as Pastor used to say) and I am going to love the life out of him!

"The joy of the Lord is my strength" is a great verse because it is such a simple truth. When I am weary in loving Peter, I go to God for strength and he always supplies. Only my unwillingness to obey will steal that joy away.

So here I am, on a new journey. Loving my husband. And just having fun again. Does it really matter that he puts the clothes NEXT to the clothes basket and not IN it? No. Is it worth wearing my husband down, teaching my girls a bad attitude and stewing in bitterness, just so I can say I am justified in my anger because of his insensitivity? No way! What does make it all worth it is showing my girls how they should one day treat their husbands. And seeing a smile on Peter's face is worth "losing" a hundred arguments.

I just want joy. And so I ask God on not just a daily basis, but often every few minutes for joy. And remember, as Christians, what do we have to really be upset about? We've been redeemed. Pulled out of slavery of sin and now are heirs together with Christ! What is more joyful then that? So joy on! :)

Peace. Peace. Wonderful Peace...

Words from the song ring in my ears over and over again. I struggle with peace. It's so easy to be overcome with worry, anxiety and nerves. I am naturally an anxious person. God keeps reminding me... even though it's so obvious... that he is in control. This morning, I was blessed with this verse.

Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee...

This could not come at a better time.

My lack of blogging has not been a lack of God revealing himself to me, or a broken computer. It's been a lack of time. Due to the nature of this pregnancy, I am on restriction. Basically, I can only do the basics around here, which is making sure the kids are fed and dressed. That's pretty much it. No walks. No running around. So when I have a moment, I don't want to blog, but fold my towels.

It's been a big struggle. I am a neat person. I mean, not perfect, but I like my house to be a certain way. My wonderful, amazing, super AWEsome husband has been doing so much. He comes home from work and often just takes over. Whether with the girls or the housework.

As a wife and a mother, it is very hard for me to have my husband take over and not feel useless. But what is more important here? He can't carry this baby. God has given that job to me. And even though it may sound crazy, I need reminding of that.

We have had many close calls with this pregnancy. We really hesitated telling people. The deciding factor was me... I didn't want people to think I was just getting fat. I know... VAIN!

My reason for sharing that with everyone is that God is granting me a peace day by day when it comes to this pregnancy. I struggle, but quickly he reminds me that he knows this child's destiny and that no matter if I meet the baby here on earth, or in heaven, he will prepare me for it. I thank God for his goodness. I thank him and praise him for his omniscience. And I thank him for caring for me. Caring for my problems that may seem so small in the big picture of it all. He sees me through all the chaos.

Thankful beyond the holiday...

Well, Happy Thanksgiving everyone! I hope that you had a wonderful day with family and friends, but more importantly that you were able to reflect on God's goodness to us. Even though we should always be thankful, I love that we take a special day to really reflect and thank God for all he has supplied. He has not only given me my needs, but also my desires.

I think everyone that reads this blog reads our other one as well. So you probably know that we are expecting #3. We are especially thankful for this. We know MANY couples that stuggle to conceive. God has chosen them for a special reason. I don't begin to understand it all. But I can't help but think that God knows what others can handle and that they can bless others through their struggles. I have learned so much and been blessed when THEY are faced with dark days. I only pray I have the courage to do the same.

We are also especially thankful because getting to this point has been difficult. I will spare all from details, but we have had our share of struggles with this pregnancy that have been scary, painful, and all together unsettling. But God gave me a peace early on. Not my will, but HIS be done. And that is where we stand. I want only His name to be glorified through this child. And whether I carry it full term, or we lose the baby, I know he can make it to be good.

I want to add just a few more things I am thankful for. I have a list in my Bible that I pray over and thank God for what he has given. Here are some:

My salvation: Without Him, I would be lost and hopeless.
My Husband: I wouldn't be lost without him, but most definetly hopeless. :)
My Samantha: She brings me joy. And patience.
My Molly: She brings fun and excitement.
My church family: They bring me encouragement and help.
My Bible: I am so thankful that I have multiple Bibles in my home and that no one is taking them away. Thank God for the freedoms we still have.

There are many more, but let me end here. I encourage you to think on what you are thankful for. And more importantly, tell God. He loves to hear your praises.